I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
