My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
