once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
