I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sobbing to NWA
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
why is half of my head shaved?
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