So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
