I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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