I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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