I just saw a hot homeless man
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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