this beer tastes like vomit already
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
