It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
