You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
