Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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