What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
