Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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