i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it penis luge time yet?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
