Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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