i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
