im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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