The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
