my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
