who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
