Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
