Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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