Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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