I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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