Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
