I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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