Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
