its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
