just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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