thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
