Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
