I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
