what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
