Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
