"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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