i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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