We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
