we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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