obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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