It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
