You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Randomize
