Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
