my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is the high leading the old right now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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