I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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