I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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