My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
