Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize