You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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