You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
