How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
