so that wasnt chicken after all
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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