careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
