i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
