this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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