she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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