Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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