bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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