Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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