planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
