he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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