I accidentally had phone sex last night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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