Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
