after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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