The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
