she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
