have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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