If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
